W e ird P re g n a n c y
My girlfriend is pregnant. After a couple of months she has become more nervous and fragile.
W e don't buy cigarettes any more. I had to quit anoking, drinking and what-not. But she got
back to reading. Last night she wakes me up and goes: "Are you ready to father a Messiah?"
- "What?" - "According to those sacred* books, our child's birthday is going to coinside with
the Second Comming." "Yes, yes, you crazy bitch."
W ell, these pregnant women make us think of weird things. So, who is this 20th Century
Man? A Superman, a cyborg or a weak creature from a Herbert W ells kind of future?
Here is a summary of a research made by the notorious Dr. Mustafa.
L IZ A K U S A K IN A : TH E S T O R Y O F A N O TH ER P R E G -
N A N C Y
P: What is your exact weight?
LK: 4 7 .5 kilos.
How tall are you?
LK: 152 centimeters.
What month?
LK: About five months.
P: What do you think of your baby's future life?
LK: I try not to think of it. Because when I do I see terrible things,
like he's being a criminal and stuff.
P: Why do you smoke?
LK: It's my egotism. But I don't drink. These doctors, they only fright-
you. If you believe everything they say you don't respect yourself.
told me I must be in a hospital.
..
..you ran away from.
Yeah, after three days. I just didn't feel I was ill. I felt pregnancy,
illness. Some women can't accept nicotine when pregnant. I
]. My system, though, cannot accept alcohol. I just don't feel like
drinking.
.. But I'm scared. It's so serious. Not like bringing a puppy home.
P: You will have a lot of entertainment: waking up in the middle of the night, breast feeding.
..
LK: I pin my hopes on our Daddy. He raised all his sisters and nieces.
P: W ill your baby be more like you or Andrey?
LK: My baby will inherit only the best features Andrey and I have. I mean, I hope so. How
could I live If I didn't think so?
D o rfm e is te r
It may sound funny but
we learned of his com-
ing merely by accident.
A reader called the
office and said, that in
terms of "The Week Of
Austrian Culture In
Moscow" Richard
Dorfmeister, the giant of
the European
drum'n'bass scene will
play his QJ set in an
improbable club. A
group of PTUCH, a cou-
ple of Djs, a bunch of
musicians and the direc-
tor of Radio Sub-Station,
that was about all his
audience that night.
Next morning we met
him for breakfast and
talked about music, girl-
friends and some other
things.
D: When I'm a DJ in
clubs I play danceable
drum'n'bass, soft jungle.
Not that of LTJ Bukem.
But I think the best music
is that that you listen to
coming home after a
night in a club.
Although, you can't
make people dance to
downtempo while
drum'n'bass is able to
keep people on the
dancefloor for three
hours in a row.
LA D A D A N C E:
TH E S T O R Y O F
O N E P R E G N A N C Y
Dr M: Sometime in July
you are going to have
a baby. A girl or a
boy?
L: I wanted to know, but
then I thought: he wants
a boy, I want a girl.
What if prediction
appears to be wrong?
Dr M: How will you
communicate with the
baby?
L: As with an adult.
Dr M: And now. Do you communicate with
it?
L: I still sing, making an album. And what is
vocal? It is a spiritual communication.
Dr M: W as it a planned child?
L: No. It was a merge of two strong feelings.
There is a saying, if a baby is unexpected,
but wanted, he or she will be talented.
Dr M: When did you feel the baby for the
first time?
L: I remember the exact date: February 23.
the fourth month.
Dr M: Who is the father?
L: The Real Man. Young and handsome.
Dr M: Alien?
j,
L: A businessman. A head o \a firm. "Red
Diploma" in the Moscow Sta» University. A
physicist.
Dr M: There was a theory of a baby in the
womb as parasitic.
..
L: It's bullshit! I recognise the author - a man!
He knew he would never experience it. A
baby is a drop of love. It's happiness!
e
D E T A IL S
First issue of a cin-
The New York
Paper magazine
published an arti-
cle about one of
our favourite journalists and a gay troublemaker
Y a ro s la v M o g u -tin , the last Russian to interview
recently died Allen Ginsberg for PTUCH. Paper says
Mogutin has a talent. This is true.
ema magazine
P re m ie re
appeared in
Russian last month.
It was nice to find
Karina
Dobrotvorskaya
and Stas
Rostotsky, our
guest authors,
among the editors
of the new Russian
edition of the
magazine that
already has its
offices in France,
Great Britain, USA
and Japan.
A ld o C o p p o la
beauty shop is
opened in Moscow.
Students of Aldo
Coppola, the
famous stylist who
worked with the best
fashion magazines
and firms like
L'Oreal, W ella and
Lancome, will make
you look not like an
average New
[Russian wife but like
a real modern girl.
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